Huey Longballs

A political lesson about balls

There once was a man from Loozie’anne named Huey Longballs.

He ran for office as a voice of labour, and got elected since his balls were so long. For many years Huey touted his long balls, and acquired admiration and envy aplenty. And so it was that many in Loozie’anne felt there was no greater force in the state than the man named Huey Longballs.

Unfortunately, his long balls all too quickly got the best of him, when a bastard with garden shears managed to get too near and clip his long balls, losing his own in the very same instant. With no balls to lead his charge, Huey fell six feet into the ground.

Before he died, Huey managed to memorialise his long balls in an obtusely phallic monument known today as the Longest Capitol Building in America, assuming one measures length skyward. It was built four years antemortem in Baton Rouge and still stands to this day.

His legacy lives on as a lesson for those who wish to use their balls to make room for themselves in realpolitik.

Huey exclaiming to his state legislature, “my balls are this long!” shortly before he died. Modern historians suspect the orientation of this gesture is why he thought his Capitol building the longest despite buildings not normally being measured that way.